Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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