D3 body, D1 cock
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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