Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
