I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
