After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
