His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
