Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
