There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
