yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
