the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
