Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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