dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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