ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
