Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
