Umm I'm too high to move.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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