i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
