i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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