Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My dick has a subreddit
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
