it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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