it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
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