Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Vodka?
Forever.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Randomize
