Define "chronic" masturbator.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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