After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Sorry about my life...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
