and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
