Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you have to choose: penises or morals?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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