Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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