When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
