I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
