i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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