Need sex. Gaining weight.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
This is my gift to your gina
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
