I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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