I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Even my vagina gasped.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
