The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
