why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
