apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
