Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
