spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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