Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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