Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
