chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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