its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
