My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
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