he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
