She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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