she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
