Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
