Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
