found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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