More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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