and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
