I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She's the barista slut.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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