Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
