no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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