Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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