so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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